vik_thor | Entries tagged with dance

"Dance, then, wherever you may be,
I am the Lord of the Dance, said he,
And I'll lead you all, where ever you may be,
And I'll lead you all in the Dance, said he."
--Sydney Carter

I am a follower of the Lord of the Dance. Not Yeshua, who this version of the song is putatively for, but rather Shiva Nataraja, Pan, Dionysus, Kernun. I have a hard time staying still when there is music playing. It can be as small as finger or foot tapping, to full out dancing where I can take over the entire dance floor.

I don't remember anything specifically dance related in my childhood or adolescence. The earliest dancing memory I have is of 'The Beauty and the Beast' dance that was held around Halloween. I had been coming out of my shell more and more over the past year, and my girlfriend and I were participating in the costume contest, as sorcerer and sorceress. It took me awhile to gather my courage up to actually get out on the dance floor, but once I did, I stayed there the rest of the night, only stopping to get something to drink, and to rest during the slow songs. The other school dances during my senior year went similarly. I had discovered my joy in dancing.

Dancing during college happened, mostly just me and my WalkMan. The only gay bar in town wasn't dance oriented.

The first time I really felt Nataraja was during my 18 months in San Francisco, after college graduation. I was involved with the Black Leather Wings tribe of the Radical Faeries. I was in a ritual when, the closest I can describe, i was possessed or ridden by Him. At that time, i felt … connected to the entire cycle of being.

"Around its center in an open gyre
earth turns, the day:
around the earth in an open gyre
moon turns, the month:
around the sun in an open gyre
earth turns, the year:
around its center in an open gyre
sun turns, the dance:
sun and the other stars in an open gyre
turn and return, the dance."
-- Ursula K. Le Guin, Always Coming Home "The Gyres" from the Fourth Section of Poems

I … have never felt quite that connection again. But i feel echoes when dancing by myself, just moving to the music, letting the music move me.

(My style of dance [if it can be called that] is entirely self taught. I move to the music, and thus each song can feel different, and have different movements. I do borrow heavily from Hindu dance that I've seen, but… I have never seen a video of myself dancing. I don't really want to, I'm afraid that if I do, I will feel too self-conscious to ever dance again.)

Dance is prayer.

I used to enjoy dancing, so much so that I could easily trance out while dancing. And not to Techno/Trance music, which is designed for that. To 80s synthpop and pagan-folk music. Of course, what I call dancing, other people may call random movements. I don’t have any set patterns or movements, I just move with the music.

That is a small part of my lack of dance lately. The apartment we currently live in does not have a large amount of free space, so the few times I have danced, I have had to pay attention to where my body is at, somewhat defeating the purpose of The Dance.

“Dance, Dance, where ever You may be,
‘I am the Lord of The Dance’ said He.
I’ll lead You all, wherever you may be,
I’ll lead You all in The Dance, said He.”
This… is not a Christian song, in my opinion. The chorus has too much of a Pagan feel, and a lot of the Christian lyrics feel forced. This is a fragment of a hymn to Lord Shiva Nataraja, the Dancer who Creates and Destroys the Universe.

There were times when I Danced, that I Felt His Presence. He Inhabited me for a time. That was when I felt the Divine most clearly.

But time moves on, and I left the city by the bay were I felt Him so strongly. I did not keep in contact with friends, I barely keep in contact with family. I have been adrift for years… Writing this, I realize how far I have drifted, going with the flow, not making waves… With no course laid out, no overall plan.

I need to find a place where I can Dance again, where I can move freely without bumping into tables and chairs and couches.

This is an entry in Season 8 Week 1 of