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notalwaysright_feedRead Not What I Mean By Liquid Assets
Me: "Whoa, hold up. That case of juice boxes isn’t $330."
Cashier: "Yep, it is. I just scanned it."
Me: "But… $330 is too much for orange juice."
Cashier: *Pauses, frowning thoughtfully.* "Hmmm. Yeah, I guess. I dunno." *Shrugs and tries to move on.*
notalwaysright_feedRead We No Longer Take Checks Or Balances
Customer: *Holding out her card.* "Do I have enough on my card?"
Me: "I don’t know how much is in your account, ma'am."
Customer: "Oh, sorry. That was silly of me."
She inserts her card.
Customer: "How about now?"
scalziwhatever_feed
We’ve come to that time of the year again, where folks begin to think about their holiday gift giving, and at least some of you think about books as the perfect gift. Well, they are! But would make them even more perfect is getting those books signed and personalized. Every year I join forces with Jay and Mary’s Book Center in Troy, Ohio, to sign and personalize books so that you’ll have them available to give to the people you love, including yourself.
From today (Nov. 11) through Friday, December 5, you can order books I have written from Jay and Mary’s and I will come in and sign them for you, and then the bookstore will ship them to you (US only). I strongly encourage you to get your orders in early, so there are no delays in shipping the books to you this holiday season.
Here’s how to do it!
1. Call Jay & Mary’s at their number (937 335 1167) and let them know that you’d like to order signed copies of my books. Please call rather than send e-mail; they find it easier to keep track of things that way.
2. Tell them which books you would like (For example, The Shattering Peace ), and what, if any, names you would like the book signed to. If there’s something specific you’d like written in the books let them know, but for their sake and mine, please keep it short. Also, if you’re ordering the book as a gift, make sure you’re clear about whose name the book is being signed to. If this is unclear, I will avoid using a specific name.
3. Order any other books you might think you’d like, written by other people, because hey, you’ve already called a bookstore for books, and helping local independent bookstores is a good thing. I won’t sign these, unless for some perverse reason you want me to, in which case, sure, why not.
4. Give them your mailing address and billing information, etc.
5. And that’s it! Shortly thereafter I will go to the store and sign your books for you.
Again, the deadline for signed/personalized books for 2025 is December 5. After December 5 all Scalzi stock will still be signed and available, but I will likely not be able to personalize.
Also, this is open to US addresses only. Sorry, rest of the world. It’s a cost of shipping thing.
What books are available?
CURRENT HARDCOVER: There are two current hardcovers: When the Moon Hits Your Eye and The Shattering Peace, both of which came out this year. In addition, there may be hardcovers available for Starter Villain, but ask first, as it’s primarily in trade paperback at this point. There is another hardcover out, Constituent Service, but it is a limited edition, and you would need to get it through the publisher, Subterranean Press.
CURRENT TRADE PAPERBACK: As of now, the first six books of the Old Man’s War series (Old Man’s War, The Ghost Bridages, The Last Colony, Zoe’s Tale, The Human Division, The End of All Things) are available in trade paperback with matching cover treatments, so if you wanted to give those six books as a gift, they are all now a matching set. Other books in trade paperback: Starter Villain, The Kaiju Preservation Society, The Android’s Dream, Agent to the Stars and Fuzzy Nation, Redshirts (the 2013 Hugo Award winner), Twenty-First Century Science Fiction (which features a story of mine), Metatropolis (which I edited and contribute a novella to) are all also available in trade paperback format. Also available: Robots Vs. Fairies, the anthology that features the story of mine that was adapted for the “Three Robots” episode of the Netflix animated series Love, Death and Robots.
CURRENT MASS MARKET PAPERBACK: The entire Interdependency series (The Collapsing Empire, The Consuming Fire and The Last Emperox) are available, both individually and as a boxed set. The fist six books of the Old Man’s War series (Old Man’s War, The Ghost Brigades, The Last Colony, Zoe’s Tale, The Human Division and The End of All Things) are available individually, and the first three of those books also come in their own boxed set (note, however, that the series is transitioning to trade paperback). Lock In, Head On and Unlocked: An Oral History of the Haden Syndrome (novella) are individually available as well. Fuzzy Nation, Agent to the Stars and The Android’s Dream have recently been moved into trade paperback, but mass market editions are probably still available if that’s your preference. Please note: If you order the boxed sets, if you want those signed you’ll have to agree to let me take the shrinkwrap off. In return I’ll sign each of the books in the box.
CURRENT NON-FICTION: Your Hate Mail Will Be Graded (essay collection, Hugo winner), The Mallet of Loving Correction (also an essay collection, this will need to be special ordered as it is a signed limited), Virtue Signaling (a third essay collection, will also need special ordering) and Don’t Live For Your Obituary (a collection of essays about writing, will also need to be special ordered).
AUDIOBOOKS: The Kaiju Preservation Society, The Last Emperox, The Consuming Fire, The Collapsing Empire, The Dispatcher, The End of All Things, Lock In, Head On, The Human Division, Redshirts, Fuzzy Nation, The God Engines, Metatropolis and Agent to the Stars are all available on CD and/or MP3 CD, and Jay & Mary’s should be able to special order them for you. Check with them about other titles, which may or may not be currently available on CD.
Two things regarding audiobooks: First, if you want these, you should probably call to order these as soon as possible. Second, and this is important, because the audiobooks come shrinkwrapped, I will have to remove the shrinkwrap in order to sign the cover. You ordering a signed audiobook means you’re okay with me doing that and with Jay & Mary’s shipping it to you out of its shrinkwrap.
If you have any other questions, drop them in the comment thread and I’ll try to answer them!
notalwaysright_feedRead Monkey See, Butt What Did Monkey Do?
I work for a major pharmacy chain. We sometimes get calls from manufacturers and distributors to add products to our system. Caller: “So, the item code is [code].” This is strange, normally they just tell me the name. Me: “Okay, but it’s easier if I just start with the name of the product.” Caller: “Do […]
notalwaysright_feedRead Seriously Dude, Use Google!
Me: *Answering a call.* "[Reference Library], how may I assist you?"
Caller: "Do you know what temperature you set the oven to, to cook garlic bread?"
Me: "Uh… not really, no. Sir, you're aware you've called a library?"
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ysabetwordsmith
ysabetwordsmith notalwaysright_feedRead Manager Override Override
I got super fed up with this and kept track of EVERYTHING a manager let happen. If a manager one time let a customer buy this for this amount of money. Every single time a customer asked about it, I would call the manager over and get him to override it.
notalwaysright_feedRead Dewey Believe This Happened? Oh Yeah.
Patron: "How do I check out books without opening an account?"
Me: "You can't do that without an account, ma'am, but you're free to browse all of our books on the premises without one."
Patron: "If I give you all my information, I'll get hacked and have my identity stolen!"
ysabetwordsmith notalwaysright_feedRead No Self Awareness At The Self Checkout
I get an alert from #11 and see on the playback that he tried to scan his bread, but it just didn't take. No problem, we can have a short chat about it while I fix the issue and go back to my post. A moment later, I get another alert from #11. When I approach, I see he's piled up several items I assume he intends to scan on the bagging area instead of the table attached to the other side.
notalwaysright_feedRead Pop Culture Shock
Cousin: "Hello, may I have a medium popcorn and a cola, please?"
Concessions Worker: "Medium popcorn, and... a what?"
Cousin: "A cola to drink, please."
Concessions Worker: "A what?"
Read Pop Culture Shock
ysabetwordsmithprettygoodword: pshaw_raven
notalwaysright_feedRead This Just Sucks
Where I live, vapes are required to have a child lock system. You have to take three quick puffs, and it unlocks.
Customer: "This vape you sold me doesn't work!"
Me: "Did you disengage the child lock?"
Customer: "What child lock?"
Read This Just Sucks
notalwaysright_feedRead It Snot Yours!
My mom is in the backseat having grandmother/granddaughter time.
My Mom: "[My Daughter's Name], are you picking your nose?!"
My Daughter: "There's a big one up there!"
Read It Snot Yours!
notalwaysright_feedRead I Can’t Believe It’s Butter
Lady: "Here, take this."
She pulls a stick of butter from her purse and tries to hand it over to my friend.
Lady: "They don't have the real stuff here!"
My friend reaches out to take it.
notalwaysright_feedRead The Door-Buster Sale Went Too Far!
Just before we open the store, an SUV loses control and crashes into our entrance. No one is hurt, but the way in and out of the front of the building is obviously blocked. The police and ambulance arrive to deal with the situation.
I'm sitting outside the store, taking advantage of the surprise downtime to enjoy a cigarette. A customer walks up to the building and gets within five feet of the entrance before they actually realize what's happening.
notalwaysright_feedRead Mathsplaining
Talking to my mentor, she suspects the reason the students are giving me a hard time is because that other teacher has been telling them I am not doing things the right way, because I don't do it the same way she does.
Read Mathsplaining
notalwaysright_feed - Not What I Mean By Liquid Assetsnotalwaysright_feed - We No Longer Take Checks Or Balancesscalziwhatever_feed - How to Get Signed & Personalized Books From Me For the Holidays, 2025 Editionnotalwaysright_feed - Monkey See, Butt What Did Monkey Do?notalwaysright_feed - Seriously Dude, Use Google!ysabetwordsmith - Wildlifeysabetwordsmith - Birdfeedingnotalwaysright_feed - Manager Override Overridenotalwaysright_feed - Dewey Believe This Happened? Oh Yeah.ysabetwordsmith - Cyberspace Theorynotalwaysright_feed - No Self Awareness At The Self Checkoutnotalwaysright_feed - Pop Culture Shockysabetwordsmith - Vocabulary: Apastronpshaw_raven - So Much Pokingnotalwaysright_feed - This Just Sucksnotalwaysright_feed - It Snot Yours!notalwaysright_feed - I Can’t Believe It’s Butternotalwaysright_feed - The Door-Buster Sale Went Too Far!notalwaysright_feed - (no subject)notalwaysright_feed - Mathsplaining