LJ Idol (mini) 2024 Week 3 (home game)

[vik_thor]

Without You

My first thought is the song "With or Without you" by U2
but going with what seems to be a theme of my (all TWO entries) so far, I gotta pull family or genealogy in somwhow...


Unfortunately, I'm an only child, and was never all that close with my parents. My main "Without You" is my Mom. She died in April 2021, actually just a short time after she had been moved up to St. Louis Metro, to be closer to me. She had Parkinson's Disease, and had moved into an assisted living facility down in Marion, IL, after having lived on her own after her divorce from Dad when I was still in High School. Her Parkinson's had advanced enough that they called me, saying that she needed to be in the next level up (which they did not have) a full nursing home. At this point, I talked to her, and she agreed, and we decided that moving her up here, closer to me, was a good idea. So, I made the arrangements.

About a week before she was scheduled to move up here, she fell and broke her hip. So her move was in an ambulance from the Marion Hospital (when she was discharged) to the nursing home I had chosen for her. It was actually within walking distance from where Seph and I were living at the time, which was a plus. But it was during COVID lockdowns, which was a minus. My main interaction with her for a bit when she was in new place, was through the window of her room... 
She never really recovered from the stress of the broken hip and the move.

She had preplanned and prepaid for what she wanted done when she died. She wanted to be cremated, and her ashes scattered in specific locations. Half have been scattered (mostly) where she wanted. She had specified one cemetery where much of her family is. I I scattered some at another cemetery where many of the Lowery / Moore ancestors are. (and even some at the location of her childhood home.) 

The other half of her ashes, she wanted scattered in Myrtle Beach SC. That I have not accomplished yet. Part of it is, I can't do the final good-bye, and be fully without her...
 

Comments

[reidharriscooper]

My father had Parkinson's. Two different eras of it actually. When I was a teenager still and then through medicines and other he had a short "remission" but when after it came back hard and I spent six years of my life being way too good of a caretaker. My mom was healthy at this time and he had an aide and yet I made the in retrospect of "well can't go back so no regrets but..." to drop my life and help. When he passed he was headed to hospice but never made it. I never really got to say goodbye. I feel you here in many many ways... I do suggest letting go with the trip when you realistically can without burden might bring her closer and have it be not without her but with her... everywhere.

[vik_thor]

*hugs* thank you

[tonithegreat]

Aw man. I hope circumstances allow you to make the Myrtle Beach trip a good one whenever you’re ready for that.

[erulissedances]

There are a couple of ways you can do both. (1) you can have a funerary pendant with a small portion of her ashes that you can wear or hang in your house (motuaries have these available, and they're available on-line too); or you can have a small bit of her ashes incorporated into some melted glass or a metal clay jewelry piece. I've made things like that in the past for people and they've worked out quite well. I'm not doing that kind of work right now (absolutely NO time for personal projects), but I guarantee there will be people available with some hunting on your part.

After this is done, and if you're happy with the result, then go ahead and scatter the remainder of her ashes. She'll still be with you, and her last wish will be fulfilled.

- Erulisse (one L)

[vik_thor]

Thank you for the reminder!

I had heard about that earlier, and talked to a lady in Illinois who does it, and then more life happened...