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LJ Idol Week5: Inconceivable
Nov. 22nd, 2011 06:09 am"You don't exist. You can't exist." I tell the thoughtform of a child. "Two men cannot have a child of themselves. You're inconceivable."
The kid pops up occasionally, hangs around for awhile, then goes back to the Four Houses, the realm of the unborn, the dead, dreams and story beings. Sometimes they show up as a youngster, at other times a teenaged boy. He wants me to come home to the Na Valley, step sideways and come in from Outside the World.
"I don't know how, I'm stuck here in the City of Man. I don't remember how to get home."
He just looks at me sadly, and fades way, into a spiral of dust glimmering in a shaft of sunlight. We both know I'm partially lying. The quick way back is meeting Death, of course, in any of Her incarnations. While suicide is not viewed as a sin, it is a last resort. There are people here in the City who would be hurt at that way of my leaving. It is the long way back that I have forgotten.
So I stay here in this life, where most of the time I feel like a stranger, an immigrant from another existence. Memory fades and shifts. I know I had a childhood, everyone does, but I only remember bits and pieces. And a lot of the memories seem to be closer to that other existence, there Inside the World, where Lirleni exists, rather than my current life. Though I can trace my life in the fragments, the path from then to now sometimes seems broken, and I wonder how I ended up here.
This is my entry for Week 5 of LiveJournal Idol. I definitely need to thank Ursula K. Le Guin for her book Always Coming Home, which many of the concepts are from. This started out as a fictional entry, but after rereading it, I'm not really sure anymore. About the only thing I can say for sure right now is that I am NOT suicidal. The rest of it…
The kid pops up occasionally, hangs around for awhile, then goes back to the Four Houses, the realm of the unborn, the dead, dreams and story beings. Sometimes they show up as a youngster, at other times a teenaged boy. He wants me to come home to the Na Valley, step sideways and come in from Outside the World.
"I don't know how, I'm stuck here in the City of Man. I don't remember how to get home."
He just looks at me sadly, and fades way, into a spiral of dust glimmering in a shaft of sunlight. We both know I'm partially lying. The quick way back is meeting Death, of course, in any of Her incarnations. While suicide is not viewed as a sin, it is a last resort. There are people here in the City who would be hurt at that way of my leaving. It is the long way back that I have forgotten.
So I stay here in this life, where most of the time I feel like a stranger, an immigrant from another existence. Memory fades and shifts. I know I had a childhood, everyone does, but I only remember bits and pieces. And a lot of the memories seem to be closer to that other existence, there Inside the World, where Lirleni exists, rather than my current life. Though I can trace my life in the fragments, the path from then to now sometimes seems broken, and I wonder how I ended up here.
This is my entry for Week 5 of LiveJournal Idol. I definitely need to thank Ursula K. Le Guin for her book Always Coming Home, which many of the concepts are from. This started out as a fictional entry, but after rereading it, I'm not really sure anymore. About the only thing I can say for sure right now is that I am NOT suicidal. The rest of it…
