vik_thor: (DataMatrix)
Reporter: Mr. Gretsky, how can you explain your phenomenal increase in interceptions this season? You’ve gone from 4% successful interceptions last season (and less than 1% career wise, excluding this season) to over 90% this season.

Gretsky: Well, you see, I just changed my philosophy. Instead of skating to where the puck currently is, I’m skating to where it will be…

Reporter: But…?

Gretsky’s voice changes, becoming multivocalic. Most seem to be feminine, but there are several deeper voices, including a booming baritone that speaks just a little out of phase with the rest of the voices: WWhaAtT thTHeE MmOoRrTtAaLl sSeEzZ iIsS tTrRuUe as FAR as It goes. SORT OF he made a BARGAIN with US for the “GgIiFfTt” of FfOorRtTeElLiInNgG.

Gretsky’s eyes widen in fear, as his helmet pops off on it’s own, and his hair starts waving around like he’s touching a Tesla coil, and growing several feet.

Voices: HhEe wWaAnNtTeEdD to BE the BEST player EVER. WE just DIRECT him WHERE to GO. WwEe can DO the SAME for YOU. just CALL 800PoSSeSSioN, and WE will TAKE control OF YYOOUURR body.

The screen goes black for a second, and then a red skinned demon appears: And that is how the Fifth Age of Humanity ended, and the Second Age of Demons started. Tune in tomorrow for our celebration of the 500th anniversary of this breakthrough!

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Vik-Thor

July 2017

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