vik_thor: (Sleeth looking away)
So many possibilities.

Woke up out of a dream of what could have been, and got to thinking, and getting more and more depressed. So many choices that seem to have been mistakes in retrospect. Am I the loser alternate version? It sure feels like it tonight.

Earliest major branching that could have been: (though one I had no control over) moving from Oakwood IL in the summer between 5th and 6th grade. This was all Dad. Illinois State Trooper. I think he did it to be closer to family, both his and Mom's. Transferred between districts. Oakwood IL to Cobden IL. Vermillion county to Union county. We lived out in the country, basically, in Oakwood. Sort of a small mini-town, maybe. Major forks: staying in Oakwood longer, moving elsewhere in Union County, getting assigned a different county. The main one I can think of would be moving to Anna-Jonesboro, rather than Cobden.

Next major: where I went to college. I chose Southern Illinois University. I don't really remember exactly why at this temporal distance. I think  2 of the major reasons were that it was close to home, and that I would live with my cousin and her family for the first semester. Close to home, meaning for a couple semesters, I actually lived in Cobden, and commuted. This seems to be the beginning of my nomadic life. cousin's, then several different dorm rooms, with different roomates each time, Cobden, then off campus apts in Carbondale. Major fork: obviously go to college elsewhere. Probably the best choice would have been University of Illinois in Champaign-Urbana. Being that distance from home would have let me come out earlier, both sexually and religously. Who knows, I may have met Jon Ginoli (of Pansy Division) while he was there. At the time, I was wanting to be a librarian (Master of Library Science). which SIU didn't have. Part of the thought was get undergrad out of way close to home, then transfer. Or get basics then transfer.

Another fork in here: staying in the Navy. Yes, I was actually in the Navy, for all of about a month. Over Christmas break one year, 86-87 maybe? They wanted me in the Nuclear Propulsion program.

After graduation, I took a train trip. Plan was Salt Lake City, San Francisco for Pride, up to Seattle, then back home. Ended up staying in San Francisco for 18 months. Was fun, got involved with a branch of the Radical Faeries that were exploring BDSM. Black Leather Wings. Worked at a law firm as a file clerk for a year of this (through a temp agency). Last 6 months, unemployed. Roommate died of AIDS. Panicked and fled homeward with someone I was sortof in love with (even though he was straight) Xigi McLeod. Forks: getting another job. I was focused on library/legal. I should have expanded. After all, I did end up in retail in KC. Should have tried that in SF. don't remember if there were Osco Drugs in SF. Could have not panicked, and found another place to live, maybe temporarily with one of the other members of BLW.

KC. unemployed for 6 months, then got job at Osco. Lived with Xigi for the first couple of years, then he moved back to CA. I lived in KC for about 7 years, and had at least 6 different addresses. One of the best times was when I was living with Fred and Henry. Pagans. Around the corner from Missy B's. I don't remember why I moved out of their place, but my next place was an efficiency apt. Forks: staying at Fred & Henry's place longer. Staying in KC, rather than transferring to the Osco in Champaign. If I had stayed in KC, there's possibility I could have been promoted to DSC, since they made a new district shortly after I left, and the new one ended up based in the store I left. (The dream that woke me up was in this time period. Xigi and I moved in with someone else, on the KS side of the border.)

Champaign: transferred to be closer to family. didn't really visit any more than I did when living in KC. Major fork would basically be to never have requested the transfer.

Phoenix: I did enjoy my job at the Osco/Albertsons Scan support hotline. I do remember one of the managers telling me at one point that whenever I decided to transfer out there, they would basically find a job for me in one of the scan related departments. That was a nice ego boost. That is where I met [livejournal.com profile] javarod, in person, though that was basically me posting on one of the fur boards that I was moving, and did anyone want a roommate. We had played together on FurMUCK since I was in KC. After the Albertsons corporate split, I worked for a time at GoDaddy customer support for a bit, then ended up at CBS Outdoor, again through a temp agency. About the only real fork in there would be if Jewel/Osco had wanted me in Chicago after the split. Especially if they paid for the move.

That brings us to St. Louis. not been here long enough for any major forks to have become evident. Mostly enjoy my job. Wonder what javarod sees in me anymore.

ETA: details of the dream that woke me up.

(no subject)

Thursday, 16 August 2012 22:45
vik_thor: (blankish)
»sighs«
I really need to get more active here on LJ again. I will admit I've been on FaceBook and it just seems to suck the time.

I've been a bit depressedfor the past week or so. nothing major, just hard to get myself to actually do anything. Sit and read/watch TV. Even though I want to do other stuff (like try to learn some jewelry making, specifically earrings and chain maille http://www.jewelry-making-how-to.com/chain-maille-jewelry.html#axzz23loL7UBX ) [and yes, being a bit lazy with the links.] I actually helped out a friend with chain mail back in the mid 90s, while living in Kansas City. I had a nice (heavy) chain mail vest that ended up getting stolen. :( Still have a bracelet.

about the most productive I've been lately at home has been wikipedia. been editing a bit more lately there than have for awhile.

Seph has been sleeping a lot lately, especially the past couple days. ( it almost sorta feels like he's avoiding me a bit.) several nights he's gotten up right about the time I've been going to bed. [though I know that's mostly the depression]

Speaking of Kansas City, there are a couple openings at the CBS Outdoor office there. This one is basically the job I do it that office. https://t.co/8sjLX1sw There are also a couple of sales positions that were posted today. Feel free to ask me about the job.

concentration?

Sunday, 19 June 2011 18:23
vik_thor: (blankish)
concentration, I no has.

Lately, past few months or so, not really sure how long, I have been having problems keeping myself concentrating on stuff. Long term planning doesn't seem to hardly exist anymore.
Jos is much better at it than I am. He's got so many plans for his/our company(s). I can barely keep up.

(I've been mildly depressed for awhile, more or less. There's been days when feeling quite good, and days when it was a challenge to get out of bed. and of course, most of those days have been work days. I really wish I could find a different job. [and here's yet another place where I'm having problems keeping concentration going. for quite awhile, I was applying to jobs @ maricopa.gov regularly, and even had several interviews. at this point, I don't remember when the last time I did an application thereā€¦] )


ETA: One of the best recent experiences regarding concentration:
I messed up Jos's birthday date a couple times. First thinking it was the 7th, and didn't quite get everything ready by the 7th, searching for a couple things, mentioned it to him that I was looking for something for him, and he pointed out his b'day is 19th, so 9 more days to get everything togetherā€¦
Didn't get started again until Wednesday (because for some reason, I was thinking 17th... another fail).
sinished up, most of it (still need to get one thing)...

I'm sorry it wasn't better.

song I hear in my mind right now?
"I Was a Bad Boyfriend" by Pansy Division

:(

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